A paradox of words. Life seems full of them, especially right now. We find ourselves in this paradox of uncertain clarity. Clarity in the moment, yet total uncertainty for the future.
For us personally it is an interesting place to find ourselves in. Pais Australia/New Zealand is poised to continue to grow and see even more Kingdom impact yet we are walking away. Not only are we saying goodbye but also, I have no job lined up. I’ve always been one to have a plan for what is next. I like having a plan. It’s good to have a plan. But at this moment, I have little to no idea what is next.
I know Father has used this time to form in us things we had yet not known. I know there is still more to be formed in us before we step into whatever God has for us next, but the level of uncertainty at times really freaks me out. It goes like this…
I say to him, “I am afraid”.
He says to me, “Do not be afraid. I am with you. I have always been with you. I will always be with you. I will never leave you or forsake you. Trust in me and my unfailing love. Continue to walk in faithfulness. I will open it up. I love you my son.”
I say to him, “I’m still scared.”
He says, “I know. It’s ok. Trust me.”
I say, “I’m trying to.”
He says, “That’s all I’ve ever asked. Let me do the rest.”
I say, “I don’t know how.”
He says, “You don’t need to. It all depends on me, not on you.”
“All of it?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says, “Every little bit. All of it.”
“Ok. Please take it all then.” As I now weep, I pray, “I surrender it all. Let it be well with my soul. Teach me your ways. Replace all my fears with your hope. Replace the weight I’ve laid upon myself, with what you want. Replace the pain from all the hurt that I hold onto with your everlasting joy. Take it all and replace it with what you want.”
It is no longer a reluctance to which I surrender, but I gladly hand it over because I care not anymore to carry such burdens, which were never meant to be my own.
I must constantly remind myself this truth.
When this truth sinks in I can then, and only then, approach each day with anticipated joy with what God has for me each day.
It seems odd to say we can have clarity about the uncertain future, but we can learn to. Clarity of the uncertain future lies not within our ability to have a plan, but in having confidence in His plan. Do we really trust him to unfold it all? Do we believe He has ALLof it?
I suppose this is what the writer of Hebrews meant we he penned the words. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)